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Friday- Fear of the approaching weekend!

I am never happy on a Friday.

Most people who are working professionals, that’s the only day they are awaiting, right?
I mean, why shouldn’t they?

More of the reason I don’t like it is because people around me were just making their weekend plans. I don’t make plans often.
I don’t want to be included in theirs either.
But there’s this grim feeling for the approaching weekend.

Many a times on Monday’s, my teammate would ask me.. So, what did you do this weekend? Me trying to avoid that question entirely, with a slight smile I would always say that “I read a novel, watched a movie and slept (A lot)” . Honestly, those were and are the only things that I would be doing on a weekend or moreover be washing my clothes.
Eventually he stopped asking me. Thank God for that, but, is it not because I am boring and not full of life or whatever that’s called?

Not that it matters to me much, as I intend to keep my weekends simple and also I am not someone who enjoys partying all the time. But I don’t like to be poked regarding that either.
Peer pressure of going out is what I don’t want.
If I choose to do something apart from my regulars, that has to be my own choice.

It’s not that I didn’t like going out with my friends or just wanted to be indoors all the time, but I surely was maintaining “social distance” way before this pandemic. That’s surely helping me now.

Anyway, why was it so necessary to have “weekend plans” all the time back then?

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Walking away!

Learn, to walk away from people and places whom you no longer seek.

Learn, to walk away when a slight self respect is left within you.

Learn, to walk away before they leave you for someone they decide is better.

Learn, to walk away before you start thinking that you’ll never be enough.

Learn, to walk away, because, someday you will be enough.

JUST LEARN. Stop blaming yourself and learn, One day at a time.

The Act of Disappearance!

I sometimes think of different ways to vanish from this life.
No, I don’t mean I wanna die.
I wonder if it’s possible to go to a place where nobody knows of your mere existence and start afresh.
But we don’t get that chance, do we?

Talking of disappearance, I was in school when my Grandfather left our home one day. He was just gone.
I remember everyone was trying to search him, but he was nowhere to be found.
He was suffering from a problem of memory loss. He used to forget things too often.
So, this made everyone believe that he might have forgotten his way back home.
It’s been so many years now, and everyone around me believes that he is no more.
I don’t have much memories with him, but I wish he didn’t leave that way.

Even now when I see a lean old man, walking down the road wearing a white dhoti and kurta, I take at least two good looks at that person to be sure that he’s not my Grandfather. After so many years, I still do.

I am sure of one thing though, if someone disappears in that way from your life and if that person is in someway related to you; even though you wouldn’t have had a great relationship with them, “You are bound to miss them.”

Silence

It’s endearing, easy to share with people you love.
There are times when I am so quiet that I think, maybe, I don’t even remember how to speak anymore.
But how could that be? Eh?!
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say; but I’m never a person with a strong voice in a room, and that’s how it has been all my life. But, I’ve come a long way (There are people around me who think that I don’t work on it. They don’t know that I’ve been working on it from past 20 years).
No, I do not need a therapist (I have MY bunch of “FRIENDS” for that.)
Someone dear to me once asked me that why do I not speak much, even when I have such rolling sea of thoughts?
How do I tell him, once I start resenting someone it’s too difficult to go back and talk all over again.
..also I cannot speak all the time; isn’t that a quality of an introvert?

Anyway, Can’t we just sip our cup of Tea and listen to “The Sound of Silence” maybe? 🙂

Why write a Blog?

I started making resolutions from past year; yeah I do mean “The New Year Resolutions”.

So, one of my Resolution-2020 includes- doing something that I’ve never done.

There really are so many things that I’ve never done ofcourse; but for now I’m choosing to write my heart out (As I’m unable to spill it through my mouth most of the times).

I am habitual to writing down my thoughts in my notes, reading it to myself for sometime and then I end up deleting it. Everytime.

As I don’t think it’s good enough.

But, this one time I’m choosing not to decide it by myself.

I am gonna try to make this a “Window to my Soul”.